If Only I Could Do What I Loved

When I was a little boy, I wanted to be anything but what I was. I wanted to be taller, faster, attractive, like all the other boys I went to school with. I wanted the cutest girl in the whole first grade. I was the young Don Quixote of Wanamaker, Indiana at the age of five.

What was significant about that age? My mother was able to stay home with me and my three other siblings, including my brother who was faster, taller, more athletic, and better looking. He was all I ever wanted to be, and he was also all I knew. When I went to school, I was surrounded by kids that were just like him, and nothing like me.

Then I grew up.

When I was 10, my mother enrolled me in drum set lessons. It was then that I realized I was finally better at something than everyone else. from that moment on, I wanted to do nothing but drum. I won a world championship when I was 17, gigged all the way through high school, marched a Division I drum corps at 19, then stopped playing.

Having a child changes everything.

12 years and two marriages later, I decided to start playing again, and I will never stop again. If I could do anything for the rest of my life, one thing that would make me happy, it would be to drum.

The child who I gave it all up for? He plays now too, and he also has that love for my art. Coincidence? MayBe. But I doubt it. I was made for it, and I fully believe he was made for it too. Our relationship is stronger because of drumming.

It is where my heart lies. It is where my peace resides. It is where I fall in love every time I play. It is something I don't have to be bigger, faster, or more handsome to do. I am myself when i play, and it is the only time I love myself in my entirety.